Dream 008, Grandma.

I hated my grandma. When she was alive, I really didn’t like her. I disliked her so much that whenever I went back to my old home, I wouldn’t bother going to her room to say hello. I was the type to rush into every room and shout that I was home, but I always skipped hers.

It might sound like she was pitiful, but that’s completely wrong!! She was the most annoying and difficult person I’ve ever met in my 30+ years of life (this is an objective review as much as I can). Of course, this has something to do with her upbringing, but everyone is responsible for their own life. She chose to hurt others to make herself feel secure. Plus, we were both very impulsive (I don’t want to admit it, but it’s true. My dad’s side is more impulsive, my mom’s side is calm, and I’m more like my dad…), so we clashed a lot when I lived at my old home.

Now, to the point. Last night, I dreamt that I was with my dad’s relatives, people I rarely interact with. In the past, I would argue with them, but after growing up, learning to pretend and spending time on things that matter, I only see them at events like weddings or funerals, always speaking politely with a smile. My grandma was sitting at a round table directly across from me.

It felt like I was back in the past, when I was younger and would argue with them. I was in an argument with them, but I don’t know for how long. Eventually, the topic shifted to my grandma’s passing. She used to always talk about how she would handle things after she died. I really disliked her—actually, I hated her—but I remember looking at her face and telling her, “If you want me to attend your funeral, I will go.”

I did attend my grandma’s funeral this year. I originally didn’t want to go, but my husband said I should go because I was the eldest granddaughter. Even though I disliked her, I still had to do what was expected (I’m still not good at being diplomatic). His idea of fulfilling that duty was me going back to my old home for the funeral (I didn’t let him come with me), and after it was over, eating a meal with everyone. It was very simple. My maternal family is Christian, so there were no complicated rituals to follow.

When I viewed her body, I didn’t really want to look at her. I’m not afraid of dead people, I just didn’t want to look at her. My nephew quietly asked me if I was going to look at Grandma, and I said, “What’s there to see? She’s dead.”

But I did end up looking. Her makeup looked good, more natural than her usual heavy foundation, which she wore like she thought it was free.

I didn’t have any major grudges with my grandma. It was just that we didn’t get along because of our personalities, so we’d argue every now and then, though we did have rare moments of peaceful coexistence. She was a heavy coffee drinker and an early riser (early mornings, mind you!). When I was in high school, there was a period when we agreed that she would wake me up at five o’clock to study. When she woke me up, she wouldn’t leave until she confirmed I was completely awake, unlike my mom, who would call a few times and then leave if I didn’t get up. Grandma would make coffee (only with creamer) and give me bread or cookies for breakfast.

Even now, when I talk about her, I still say she was annoying. But why did I dream about her? I haven’t thought about her in such a long time.

Dream 009

Framed by xxx

I’m really embarrassed to write that person’s name, they’re like a god-level figure in my mind.

I dreamed that person invited me out, and I thought, “Wow! This is it!!” so I immediately agreed.

We made many great memories in various places (hahaha, so many words, so annoying, let’s skip this part), and the final stop was a large building that resembled a hospital, but it wasn’t exactly a hospital. The basement was a morgue, and the upper floors were like a museum or design exhibition space. It was super weird, but I really liked it!

He took me to the basement, and I realized the bodies there weren’t entirely human. There were all sorts of bizarre combinations, and although I wasn’t scared, it felt a bit creepy. Suddenly, he started muttering to himself (probably chanting a spell), and the big door locked with a loud clank, trapping me downstairs. At the same time, the bodies around me started to move!!

After that, there’s not much to say. I ended up fighting and colliding with bodies in the basement, but what I really care about is that I was completely tricked by the handsome guy! Damn!!!

He was really beautiful.

I still hope I’ll dream about him again. Next time, I’ll be more prepared!! But I feel like when beauty is present, I forget everything else, damn.